Hello again! Here
we are in July, about to blow a lot of stuff up in celebration of our
Independence… It’s too frustrating to go into our current state of affairs so
I’ll just let that hang there and you can fill in your own opinions. It’s like
the pick-a-path adventure books from your youth, you’re welcome for that little
trip down memory lane.
In May I went on
The Great Southern Tour and then I followed it up last month with a tour of The
Western Expansion. It wasn’t cinematically related this time, although I did
see a few movies along the way (more on those later). It started off,
innocently enough, with three days in Denver, Colorado that turned into one of
the outer circles of Hell and then ended in California, where the sun always
shines…most of the time…in the afternoon.
I’d worked all
day, came home and took a 90 minute nap, showered and dressed and was on the
road by midnight after stopping off at QT for gas and coffee (a traveling
essential). I made it to the gig in Denver by Halftime of the first game
(morning traffic sucks no matter where you are). KCRW was playing Sac City’s
Capital Punishers in the second game. We lost 213 to 109. We would come back
the next day and play an opponent yet to be named. In the meantime, I still had
five more derby games to sit through without a horse in either race. You always
hope that you’ll see that one exciting game, but this was day one and there are
very few exciting games on the first day. The teams are just trying to make it
to the next bracket and they’re still feeling each other out.
A little before
10 p.m., I went in search of something that didn’t come out of the concession
stand. I was surprised that Denver rolled up its sidewalks so early on a Friday
night. I ended up at a Village Inn. I hadn’t been to one in a long time and it
was different than the one in KC, more like a Perkins. By the time I got
checked into the hotel, wrote and posted my story about the first day, it was
midnight. Jack Bauer may save the world in 24 hours but I cover more ground
than he does.
Up at 6, eating
at 7, derby by 8. I want to take a quick second to say a few things about
Quality Inn. I went with them because they were the cheapest and the closest
and they had free internet. Having never been there before, this was the only
criteria I had for a hotel. I’ve covered tournaments before and knew that I
just needed a place to write, sleep and shower. I wouldn’t even have time to
turn on the tv because I’m not going to be there that long. When they advertised
“free breakfast”, I was expecting some bagels, little boxes of cereal and
unnaturally yellow toaster waffles with a pot of coffee, a carafe of juice and
maybe some milk for the cereal. Quality Inn has bagels, toast, yogurt, cheese
omelets and make-your-own waffles along with pots of fresh coffee and bottles
of juice. I was surprised to find real food for what I was paying. I was
thankful there was a Denny’s across the street, just figured I’d take a look at
the spread before I headed over there. It was good as well as filling.
Boulder County
and Treasure Valley started the day. KCRW was playing the third game this time.
We played Wasatch’s Midnight Terror and they became our nightmare with a final
score of 235 to 104. We won the first four games of the season and now we’re
choking on the road. Sunday morning we get to fight it out for 10th
place. Four games later and I’m at Chipotle trying to finish my tacos before
they lock the doors. Back to the hotel to lather, rinse and repeat as
necessary.
Sunday morning
saw KCRW going against Sacred City’s Sacrificers for 10th place. The
first half went well, we were only trailing by 10 points at Halftime and that
can be made up in one Jam. Somewhere in the Second Period, it just all fell
apart and we came in at number 11. There’s always next season, right?
I watched the
rest of the games and the MVP ceremonies. Now it was time to get ready for
phase two, California. I found a hotel close to the airport so I could just get
ready and be there. You always hear about “those seedy places by the airport
that charge by the hour” but I’ll be damned if I could find one. I just needed
a bed for seven hours. If it happened to be hart shaped or filled with water
with a mirror over it, I didn’t care. I just needed a mattress and internet for
one last story. I would stretch out on a pink bear skin rug (where do they find
pink bears?), post the final results and put the tournament behind me. I ended
up finding a Motel 6. Mattress-check, internet-check. I got everything streamlined and airport
friendly and went to bed. When I woke up, it felt like Denver would not let me
go.
I woke up 15
minutes before the alarm. The party next door must have wrapped up an hour
before. Did the morning routine. When I checked out, there was a delay because
they couldn’t tell if I paid or not. Apparently, when you check out at 1 a.m.
they get confused. It took two people behind the counter ten minutes and my
receipt to show that yes, I did pay when I checked in.
Stopped at
Denny’s next door (there’s always a Denny’s next door). First thing you learn,
eat when you can because you never know when you’ll get another chance. It’s a
long way to California. The food showed up promptly but the waitress seemed to
take a break after dropping off the check. I was contemplating a dine-and-dash
on the basis that it was more of a dine-and-get-forgotten when she reappeared.
I paid and left.
There are signs
for satellite parking but they don’t really tell you where to go. I followed a
sign that said Cell Phone Parking and it led me to a waiting area. I asked the
guy working the convenience store about it and he had no idea what satellite
parking was. I had to break everything down to its basest form to communicate.
Me: I need long term parking. Is that what this lot is?
Him: Sure, you can park here. There’s a lounge across the
parking lot where you can wait. They have all of the flight information there.
Me: Is there a shuttle that comes by to pick me up?
Him: A shuttle?
Me: A bus or some kind of transportation?
Him: No, the buses don’t come out here.
Me: How do I get to the airport?
Him: You’ll turn right, down that street, it’ll take you
straight to it.
Me: I need some kind of long term parking lot where I won’t
get charged twenty-five bucks a day. Is there anything like that around here? I
followed the signs off the highway and they lead here.
Him: There might be something on the other side of the
highway, but not around here.
Me: Okay, that’s all I needed to know.
I try the other
side of the highway and eventually find it. I park and wait. The buses do run
at 2 a.m., right? One eventually shows up and drops me at the terminal. Now,
the games are ready to begin.
I already have my
ticket so I don’t need ticketing. There’s a sign that points to Security Check
In. Well, the sign wasn’t entirely wrong, it just didn’t mention that the check
in point it refers to was up an escalator and closed so that I had to go to the
opposite end of the terminal to find the open one.
After separating
my possessions into three separate tubs, I get dressed and proceed to the train
that takes you to the departure terminal. I’m always reminded of Escape From
New York where the subway goes from Denver to Atlanta. That was 1997, why
hasn’t that happened twenty years later? As I’m waiting for the tram, this guy
walks up and is completely lost as to which terminal to go to. I show him how
to read his boarding pass and it turns out we’re going to the same terminal.
Apparently I am the seasoned traveler now because no sooner do I get that guy
straightened out when a woman asks me where she has to go. I don’t even need a
boarding pass for this one. I see that the tram is due to arrive in 30 seconds.
Me: Where are you headed?
Her: Salt Lake City.
25 seconds
Me: What airline are you taking?
Her: Delta
20 seconds
Me: What time do you leave?
Her: 6:15
14 seconds
I scan the board under S
Me: Salt Lake City, Delta, flight number 1645 out of gate 74
in Terminal C.
The doors open. “Please watch your step as you enter the
tram.”
Me: (to both of them) That’s us.
We board. There’s a map of the train route on the wall.
Me: (to him) We’ll get off at the next stop. (Pointing to
the last stop. To her) You’ll get off two stops later.
They both look at the map and thank me.
As we leave the tram, there are two ways back
up to the terminal level. To the left, the up escalator is out of service. Both
are working on the right. I see him start for the left side.
Me: You’re not going to get too far that way. We have to go
over here.
We take the
escalator up and I get him pointed towards his gate. Detroit is still a long
way off, I hope he finds it. My gate is in the opposite direction, all the way
at the end. Surprisingly enough, my flight was on time.
I made it to
Dallas and then on to Santa Barbara without difficulty. It was great to see the
folks again. My step-dad was showing off his new electric car that does
everything but make the morning coffee. It’s surprisingly fast and has an
auto-pilot feature. I couldn’t help but think how handy something like that
would have been last month. I’ll bet I could have turned 19 hours into 17 and a
half. No stopping for gas and then take a quick nap on an open stretch of
American highway… maybe for the 45th anniversary.
Meanwhile, back
in California, I’m surrounded by mountains and an ocean with beaches and
everything that the Midwest does not have to offer. I had been cooped up for
far too long and desperately needed a change of scenery. First The Rockies and
now California, I could get used to this.
I was out there
for ten days and managed to see most of Santa Barbara. I even made it to San
Francisco for a couple of days to see my sister. There’s too much to see in SF
to try to cram it all in to one day. I need to get up there more often.
Finally, it came
time to leave. My layover was in Phoenix this time. Everything was expensive
there. I ended up getting a $2 candy bar to hold me over to Denver. Made it
back to Denver. The airport feels a lot different at 4 in the afternoon than it
does at 4 in the morning. I retraced my steps and caught the shuttle out to my
car. Planes, trains and automobiles all in one day and it wasn’t even
Thanksgiving.
The drive to KC
was made interesting by the lightning show that was going on just outside of
Manhattan until I reached Topeka when the rain started to come down, and down,
and down. Here’s a quick travel tip for those of you who may find yourselves
driving in the rain, even though your hazard lights may be on, do not play
Pac-Man with the dotted lines on the road. If you feel the need to drive 30
miles an hour with your hazard lights on, pull over to the side of the road and
wait for the rain to pass. Those of us born before 1995 learned to drive in
foul weather and you’re just getting in the way.
I made it home
before 3 a.m. and just went to bed. Woke up later that day, unpacked and did
laundry and made it to Memorial Hall for the game against Nashville. KCRW
managed to keep their home record intact and beat The Music City All Stars 211
to 101. It was Xcelerators final game. Our ranking had taken a beating in
Denver and if we wanted to maintain what we currently had, we had to beat
Nashville with a 2-1 ratio in points. The last 13 points of the game were scored
by X. That’s how you retire.
That was the last
game of the season so chances are we won’t go on to any of the tournaments
(unless everybody else suddenly starts to suck and we can get over this
rectal-cranial disorder that seems to have infected the majority of the team).
With so many people retiring, next season is going to be one hell of a building
year.
With my vacation
time behind me, I’ve returned to work. My home store is still being remodeled
so I’ve been moved to another store. I think I like it more than I like my home
store. The customers aren’t as loud and obnoxious. When we re-open, we’re expected to be even
busier…oh joy.
Did anybody else
happen to make it out to see Priscilla, Queen Of The Desert-the musical? It
played at The Unicorn. I’m usually opposed to this trend of taking popular
films and turning them into Broadway musicals. There is a serious lack of
creativity going on in the entertainment industry. It feels like the world is
afraid or uninterested in moving forward. Mainstream Hollywood is re-making or
coming out with a sequel to anything it can get its hands on, the adult
industry just keeps cranking out parodies of tv shows and film franchises,
television seems to only be interested in bringing back shows that went off the
air for a reason the first time, and Broadway seems to just close its eyes and
point to the screen of their Netflix que to see what next season will be and
even books are not safe. Instead of just letting a series die with an author,
somebody else starts writing them. Why have we stagnated as a society?
The topic of
conversation, before I jumped up on my soap box, was Priscilla. I figured that
since it was already mostly a musical, how bad could it be? I wasn’t sure how
they were going to get a Winnebago on The Unicorn stage, so that was kind of
intriguing. Plus, my friend Laura Jacobs was in it as Mitzi’s wife, so I went
and ended up enjoying it. Of course, just like Terrance Stamp, Ron Megee stole
the show as Bernadette. I hope you had a chance to make it out.
Looks like we’ve
made it to the what-have-you-been-up-to-lately section of this thing. Here are
a few recommendations and warnings for your entertainment needs-
When Will Jesus Bring
The Pork Chops? by George Carlin- Filled partly with new observations on
the world around him and partly with some classic material, this book makes for
some fun, light reading if you’re a fan.
Death In The
Afternoon by Ernest Hemingway- This is a really interesting book if you’ve
ever followed a sport like a groupie. This particular book happens to be about
bull fighting but I think that even if you’re not into bull fighting you can
still appreciate the approach he takes with all of the insight. Definitely
worth your time.
Sole Survivor by Dean
Koontz- A former reporter has given up hope and all interest in life since
his family was killed in a plane crash a year ago. There was no way anybody
could have survived…but somebody has come forward claiming they did. Worth your
time to follow this mystery.
Mr. Majestyk by
Elmore Leonard- A melon farmer is just trying to get his crop in on time to
get to the market. Unfortunately, he also has a labor dispute and a mob hitman
to deal with. If you want to know more, you’ll have to read the book.
The Diaries of Adam
and Eve by Mark Twain- Originally written as two separate serialized
magazine pieces, this volume puts the two together in chronological order. Some
of the views of the first man on the first woman are pretty hilarious. You
should definitely track this down.
Like I mentioned
earlier, I did see a lot of movies this month. Most of them were good, others,
not as much. There were some pleasant surprises as well as a few let downs. As
we head into the Summer Movie Season, it’s only going to get worse.
47 Meters Down- I
have waited 42 years for somebody to make a decent shark movie. Finally,
somebody wised up that it’s not just the situation of peril or the number of
sharks but how realistic your shark looks! Steven Spielberg scared the bejeezus
out of a generation with a mechanical shark that only worked some of the time.
Because, it looked authentic. I’ve seen most of the killer shark movies that
have come along through the years and they have all sucked for the most part.
Some less than others but none that you want to revisit, except, maybe Jaws 2
when you’re in the mood to lower your standards and have a little guilty
pleasure. 47 Meters Down has realistic looking sharks that behave in a
realistic manner. The drama comes from the fact that two sisters are at the
bottom of the ocean in shark infested water. What do you do to survive? The sharks have not been whipped into a frenzy
by ocean drilling or meteorological circumstances. They are not genetically
bred to be overly aggressive. They’re just hungry, and if you happen to be
outside the cage, you could be something tasty. The director does a great job
of incorporating classic elements of the haunted house genre with darkness and
the fear of the unknown as well as camera angles. If you’re looking for a good
thrill ride, go see this movie.
About Cherry- I
found this on Netflix. It’s basically Devon –Stripped for the internet age. It’s
okay, but very cliché ridden. The high point of the film is Heather Graham. If
you’re bored, it’s not a total waste of time, but there are better movies out
there.
After Midnight- I’ll
admit to being intrigued by Fred Olen Ray trying to revisit the “undercover
stripper” genre, which has been dormant for a while now. I’ll say this for it,
he’s changed the plot device of undercover cop looking for a serial killer to a
journalist looking for her sisters killer, that was a little refreshing. I can
also say that I’ve never seen anything quite like this before. He managed to get
Richard Grieco and Tawny Kitaen for supporting roles. I have a hard time recommending
it with a straight face. Personally, nothing will ever top Stripped To Kill.
The Bad Batch-
When I saw the preview for this I was intrigued because it didn’t give away too
much of the story line and it had an interesting cast of supporting
players-Jason Mamoa, Keanu Reeves and Giovani Ribisi. I’m not going to give
away the story line because, well, there’s not that much to give away. It will
hold your attention and it’s very cinematic but you walk out of the theater
kind of wondering, what exactly did I just see? It’s reminiscent of some of your
favorite dystopian future sci-fi films, so it is fun, just not a lot of
substance.
Beatriz At Dinner-
I’m always amazed when make-up artists can turn Selma Hayek into a plain
looking wallflower. She plays a holistic healer who is making a house call when
her car breaks down. She is now stranded with her clients and his business
associates are coming over for dinner. John Lithgow is great, as always, in the
role of a billionaire developer who is the root of all things evil in Beatriz’s
world. I thought it was just okay, which was a little disappointing because I
was looking forward to this. One of my main problems with it are the
characters. If you can identify with one of these two factions, then you’re
sure to enjoy the movie. I found both sides a little grating.
The Big Short-
Set back in the early 2000’s when Fanny and Freddy were playing fast and loose
with the housing economy, a small group of people figured out the pattern and
found a way to make millions while everybody else was going homeless. It’s a
pretty interesting film that is definitely worth your time and should probably
be viewed as a double feature with 99 Homes.
The Book Of Henry-
Here’s another movie that started off really well, it turned into something
that the preview didn’t show you and then just runs out of steam in an
anti-climax. Wait for home video on this one.
Churchill- When I
saw that Brian Cox was playing Winston Churchill, I was interested from the
start. Cox does a great job and the movie holds your attention, it’s just not
as great as you were hoping it was going to be. I saw it on June 6th,
so it was holiday appropriate, but if you wait for home video you won’t be
missing much.
Escape From New York-
This is always a fun one. It recently played at The Alamo Drafthouse on 35mm
so, of course, I had to go. If you’ve never seen it on the big screen, keep a
vigilant eye on your local theaters, even if it’s just digital video, it’s
always better on the big screen.
Maggie- This one
came in under the radar when it was released theatrically. I don’t know about
where you live, but it played in one theater for a week in KC. That’s kind of
amazing considering it stars Arnold Schwarzenegger. Abigail Breslin plays the
title character and Schwarzenegger is her father. In the not too distant future
(next month or next year) there is an epidemic that ravages the land. It’s
similar to Rage (27 Days Later) but with less aggression. Maggie is one of the
infected and her father just wants to make her final days comfortable on the
family farm instead of in a CDC holding facility. It’s pleasantly surprising.
Check it out, I found it on Hulu.
Meagan Leavey- The
preview leads you to believe that this will be The Hurt Locker meets Ol’
Yeller. I kind of wish it was that movie. It ends up being a Milos Foreman-esque
biopic in full Hollywood regalia. It comes in at just under two hours and I
wish they had either gone for twenty more minutes or focused more on one aspect
of the story instead of lingering on different parts that were interesting but only
propelled the character and not the story. Wait for home video.
Norman: The Moderate
Rise And Tragic Fall Of A New York Fixer- Richard Gere does a quality job
as the title character who is just trying to make it in the world and be somebody.
He gets caught up in a political web when he does a favor for a foreign
diplomat who’s on his way to becoming a prime minister. It’s good but a little
predictable. Wait for home video.
Paris Can Wait-
Diane Lane stars in this road movie that starts off with the wife of a movie
producer getting a ride with one of his associates from Cannes to Paris. What
should take 6 to 8 hours takes two days. It’s enjoyable. On a related note, for
those of you in the KC area who don’t have tickets to the Garbage/Blondie show
on the 18th, The Alamo Drafthouse is playing Streets Of Fire on the
big screen. Even if you decide to wait on Paris, you won’t want to miss that.
Wonder Woman-
Well, it finally happened, DC put out a good movie and it’s making money. I’ve been
south of impressed with their franchise so far, but this makes me want to see
The Justice League movie. Something tells me I’ll probably stop after that, but
I’m keeping an open mind. The character of Wonder Woman has been rebooted since
I was reading her as a kid, but this movie did a good job of introducing me to
the character and how she is now. You should go see it if you haven’t already.
Finally, for the t.v. watchers, I have a couple of
suggestions you might not have seen yet-
Agents of
S.H.I.E.L.D. season 4-They are finally doing what I always hoped they would
with this show, introducing new characters for the cinematic universe. Ghost
Rider plays a big role in this season. I’m guessing that, like the rest of my
childhood, the character has been rebooted since it’s no longer Johnny Blaze,
but Robbie Reyes. All things considered, it was a good season and if you’ve
liked it so far, keep watching.
Stranger Things-
I’m a little late to the party on this one but I now see what all the huh-bub
was about. It’s a total throw-back to the thrilling days of yesteryear when it
was just you and your friends and your bikes. Of course, there are monsters and
evil scientists and experiments that get loose, so it almost feels like early
Dean Koontz, but with a Creepshow element. Check it out if you haven’t already,
it’s only 8 episodes long.
Looks like we’ve
reached the end. Be sure to tune in next month as I go back to business as
usual at work and hermit myself away to work on The Movie… See you then.
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