If this were a movie, you'd be watching an opening flashback sequence right now. The year would be 1978 and there would be a young boy sitting on a living room floor in front of his grandparents console television anxiously awaiting ABC's Sunday Night Movie. This particular week it happened to be the broadcast premier of Smokey and The Bandit. Two hours later, the seed would be planted that would take forty years to come to fruition.
The next day, the scene would pick up where he was at school and found out that his friends had watched the movie as well. Scenes would be reminisced, favorite lines quoted, dreams to one day own a Trans-Am made, as if they needed another reason to appreciate that vehicle. Your bike was no longer a mere two wheeled mode of transportation, it was just a way to get around until you had enough money and a drivers license. People always said that owning The General Lee was impractical because there were no windows, what do you do when it rains? Owning a motorcycle like Evel Knievel wouldn't work either, what happens when you wreck? Remember Caesar's Palace? But a Trans-Am, they sold those at the dealership just down the street. You knew people who owned one. It wasn't impossible.
The montage would continue through the years. The annual showings on t.v., the invention of video tape and the popularity of cable television, finally the evolution of DVD. After every viewing you'd see the far away look in the eyes of the young boy who grew up. He thought back to those days on the playground, the vicarious journey he'd just taken courtesy of Mr. Hal Needham. He would look at the current state of his life and see that he was too busy to take time off or couldn't afford to take time off or didn't have a mode of transportation that would get him that far. Something always enabled him to come up with an excuse for doing it at another time.
Last year, the dream came the closest it's ever been to coming true. The Alamo Drafthouse in Austin, Texas was playing The Bandit on the big screen. This is a documentary about the making of Smokey and The Bandit that played on Country Music Television. I don't have CMT and neither do any of my friends so this seemed like the perfect opportunity, especially because they were playing three of Hal Needhams' other films. They were billed as "Mystery Films" but if you read between the lines, you had a pretty good idea it was going to be Smokey and The Bandit, probably Part 2, and then either Hooper or Cannonball Run. I planned out and budgeted the whole excursion and presented the plan to my best friend who shared the dream so long ago on the playground. His response-"You're crazy, I'm not doing that. I have to be at work on Monday morning." I had factored that in and had us back easily by 6 a.m. at the latest. Plenty of time to get ready and be at work by 9. I even had him driving the first shift so he could get some sleep before he went to work. Still, the answer stood and there was no moving him. Unfortunately, there was no way I could do this by myself without meth amphetamine so I let it slide by. I even had an idea about renting a theater and a print of the film and inviting all of my friends. It wasn't impossible, just expensive. I decided to give it a couple of years and wait for a landmark anniversary. I figured there would be at least one cool theater in Atlanta that would play it. The movie has always been huge down there.
Flash forward to February 2017. I start doing an internet search for theaters in Atlanta and then I start to contact them. Getting no response after a few days, I realize I have to get proactive. Go to the Googles and type in theaters in Atlanta playing Smokey and The Bandit. An ad for TCM's Fathom Events screening shows up. Click here, it says. I click. Type in your city to find a theater, it says. I type in Atlanta. A list pops up and I scroll through it. McDonough Stadium 16 shows up in the list. McDonough is technically outside of Atlanta but, there were parts of the movie filmed there and I have a cousin there. It might be easier to talk him into going if he doesn't have to drive that far. McDonough Stadium 16 it is! I now have a theater and a copy of the movie and haven't spent a dime yet. The production budget on this project is getting more manageable with every keystroke. I have a date, time and location. After a couple of text messages, my cousin says he's on board. When will you be in town?, he asks... I won't have a timetable until a couple of days before the movie. Chaos factors make that impossible too far out.
In movie terms, I have my location, I've established local contacts, the budget is set and the light is blindingly green. Now for the casting. I draw up the plan and present it to my friend. I'm expecting a little apprehension but with two months out, he has time to put in for vacation and explain to his wife that he's just going on a beer run and then seeing a movie, don't wait up. The same day I sent the message, I get a response, "Sure, sounds good." The dream is coming to fruition, everything is falling into place. The Bandit and The Snowman together again, and this time we weren't just pedaling to the mall. In the original time frame, my place of employment was supposed to be closed for remodeling in May so I didn't have to worry about anything. When that schedule got pushed back I ended up just putting in for time off. This has been forty years in the making, I'm not letting their schedule stand in the way.
Three weeks out and the ripples of potential storms start to roll in. I have a friend who travels some time and always has some really entertaining posts on her facebook page. I was enjoying a series she had written about another car that she happened to be following for several miles when I mentioned that I was taking a road trip would love for her to come along. I didn't expect anything to come of it but then she seemed agreeable to the idea. I asked her for her thoughts on Smokey and The Bandit and after a few minutes she replied that she had to Google it because she hadn't seen it. Suddenly, taking her along felt like a duty. How could somebody go for this long and not have seen this movie? This travesty must be rectified! That's what friends are for, right? Unfortunately, there was a scheduling conflict so now we were back to two. That's okay...but still...wouldn't it be cool to share this with somebody who's never seen the movie? Remember when you saw Jaws for the hundred and umpteenth time with somebody who hadn't seen it before? You got to rediscover the movie through new eyes. Okay, who do I know who probably hasn't seen the movie and I could be incarcerated in a small car for twenty plus hours with and still remain friends with? That is a mighty short list and they were both busy that weekend, although, one of them did let me borrow her cooler.
Two weeks to go and there is no Frog. Not a problem. When I brought the trip up to "The Snowman" and mentioned Georgia, we suddenly had a problem. He had somehow missed that part of the message and thought I was talking about a late show at a local theater. He also missed the part about vacation time and got himself scheduled on the day of the movie. I think I might start posting dirty pictures in my messages to get him to scroll through the whole thing. The schedule would be grueling but not as impossible as the Texas run if I left early on Saturday. Besides, I still had a back up plan.
He didn't have the time in service seeing as how his parents were just barely out of Kindergarten when this plan was conceived, but my Godson has never seen this on the big screen and I think he'd have a good time. Of course, when I ask him, he says he's working. He seems to work eight days a week. It's great to see him working after being without a job for so long but our schedules just don't match up at all any more. Well, the cat's in the cradle with that one...
I was going on this trip regardless. I had all of the costs covered and the schedule seemed to be loosening up so that I wasn't getting 47 minutes of sleep in two days. Still, somewhere in the back of my mind, I started to entertain some strange ideas. Burt Reynolds went to Universal with the idea to cast Sally Field. They said, "What? Are you crazy? You want to cast The Flying Nun? She's not sexy." Burt replied with, "She's talented, and talent IS sexy." We know how that turned out but that discussion got me thinking about who I could call next. What if I just facebook posted the shit out of this trip like my friend did? She has a better knack for that kind of thing than I do but what if I could get a local public figure? Now my producer side was starting to take over. I know plenty of sexy and talented actresses but, are they available and do they want to spend the weekend being the subject of a series of facebook posts? Let's face it, this is not a career maker. Okay, I should probably just drop it before I end up putting out a casting call. Before the door completely closed on that thought, one name slipped out. She wasn't an actress but she is a local celebrity as well as a sports hero of mine. How surreal would that be, even without the postings, to finally see this thing happen and you look in the seat next to you and see JessiKa Boom? It's like a dream where you're walking down the street and suddenly find yourself on a boat with Wayne Gretzky...wake up before you wreck the car. Just because sometimes the craziest ideas turn out to be the best ideas, I did send Boom a message to see if there was any interest. The worst she can say is no, like everybody else, right? No surprise, she was busy. Looks like it's just me.
The big day came and I was up early, 4 a.m. Gassed up and loaded the cd player (But Enough About Me by Mr. Burt Reynolds) the night before so all I had to do was stop off at Quik Trip for a cup of coffee and a breakfast burrito and I was heading down the road. I've been to Georgia a lot and Texas a few times but I'd never taken this route that would lead me through Missouri and Arkansas. The Arkansas mountains are really something to see with the mist covering them. I made my first stop for gas and coffee in Arkansas. I think I may have found the last business in America that still takes checks. Next stop would be Texarkana, Texas. It felt so good to be out on the open road.
In 1977 (well, let's just say before the '80's), Texarkana, Texas was one of the last places that far south you could buy Coors beer because there were no preservatives in it and they didn't have refrigerated trucks back then. Any place East of Texas was just too far to transport beer for safe consumption.
When Hal Needham was working as the stunt coordinator on Gator, one of his team members brought a couple of cases with them while filming in Georgia. It wasn't anybody's intention to bootleg, they just brought some of their favorite beer with them so they wouldn't have to leave the location and track down a liquor store. Hal noticed that his supply in the motel mini fridge kept dwindling a little at a time. Eventually, he figured out it was the maid. She only took it because it wasn't sold in Georgia. It was this event that gave him the idea to write Smokey and The Bandit.
There was an E-Z Mart over on the Texas side of Texarkana that sold gas, ice and Coors. One stop shopping! With the tank, the cooler and a coffee cup all filled, I was East bound and down! The first leg of the trip completed in about 9 hours. The next stop would be Birmingham, Alabama to see a buddy from the army.
I had not eaten since Missouri so a trip through the DQ drive thru on the Arkansas side of town was in order and then I was back on the great American highway after throwing a double cheeseburger down my neck. It didn't take long to get to Louisiana. The scenery is beautiful in that part of the country. Mississippi went by without difficulty. I had never been through it so the chance to see something new was exciting.
I'd never been to Alabama either. Luckily, there was still enough daylight to see most of it. Shortly after it got dark, I pulled off for some go go juice in a place called Livingston. I think the town may have consisted of only the three gas stations that were just off the highway. The one I went to seemed like something out of a comedy film. It was a truck stop with gas pumps and all the things you're used to seeing. There was a restaurant attached, which is not uncommon, except that this happened to be an Indian restaurant. The thought of getting Tandoori chicken and naan at a truck stop in the middle of Nowhere, Alabama made me chuckle. If I wasn't on my way to eat with an old friend, I probably would have tried it. But, I had to keep movin' on.
I sent messages every hundred miles or so to update him on my progress but hardly got a response. These weren't really messages that warranted a response so I just figured he was calculating time and distance and would meet me when I got there. He probably fell asleep because I rolled into town, had The All-Star breakfast at Waffle House, eating slow, and then got a large coffee to go and didn't hear from him. I guess I have to wait for another time.
My cousin called me around midnight. I know I should be used to the technology by now but every time my phone rings and I'm far from home, somewhere in the back of my mind I'm thinking, who in the hell knows I'm here? We guesstimated that I had about an hour or so left, not counting the time zone change. He said he'd leave the door unlocked for me. I figured I'd sneak into the house, relax on the couch with a couple of beers and relish in the fact that I did what they say can't be done in a little over 19 hours. Twelve hours later I would be seeing one of my favorite movies on the big screen for the first time and not long after the credits rolled I'd be back on the road, homeward bound.
The rain varied from a light sprinkle to a heavy downpour and people in Georgia don't seem to function when it's wet. I'm used to slow drivers but these people would randomly brake for no reason or just take their foot off the accelerator. At least brake lights give you a warning. When you're two car lengths behind someone and they suddenly start coming at you as you maintain the same speed, it will wake you up. This happened more than once. One minute they're in front of you and suddenly you have to change lanes and they're now just pinpoints in your rear view. Crazy, man, crazy.
It was a light rain as I pulled into his driveway. I wasn't expecting him to wait up for me but there he was, in his garage. We hadn't seen each other in ten years. That may be the most time that's ever gone by between visits. We grew up together and after my aunt and uncle moved the family down to Georgia, there were always yearly visits between my mom and my grandparents somebody was always going down there or they'd come up here. It was great to see him after all that time. We hung out on his front porch drinking bootlegged beer and talking about whatever came to mind. By the time we called it a night, I had been up for 24 hours and was ready for bed. He lives out in the middle of nowhere so with that much quiet I just dropped right off.
Later that morning, he fixed breakfast for everybody (his wife, daughter and my aunt who drove down for the occasion). There was some more catching up and a little leisure time before we had to leave for the theater. His wife and daughter would end up pooping the party and not going but nothing phased me at this point. I had had so many cancellations that this just rolled right off.
In the summer of 1977, I was visiting Georgia with my mom. I don't recall where my younger cousin and uncle were but our moms wanted to get us out of the house so it was decided we would go see a movie. I had only seen Star Wars once but was willing to go again. That was vetoed. My cousin wanted to see something called Smokey and The Bandit. The movie did not have a national release at that time so being from the mid west, I had no idea what he was talking about. In fact, when it was first released, Universal played it at Radio City Music Hall because the test audiences loved it. Well, those test audiences were clearly not from New York because the movie bombed the first week. Universal was annoyed and ready to write it off when Hal Needham went to them and asked to take it to Georgia. That was where they filmed it, that was where most of the publicity had been, it's where they tested it. New York was the wrong crowd, Georgia would do better. It did and spread out from there. The only other movie to make more money that year was Star Wars.
His suggestion was vetoed as well since our moms hadn't heard of it either, they were apprehensive. The compromise ended up being Smoky. It's a story about a horse. I remember the movie being okay, nothing great. You'll notice how there were no 40th anniversary screenings of that one. It took us forty years but we were finally here, watching the right movie.
There are some movies you see on the big screen and it really adds another dimension, like Butch Cassidy and The Sundance Kid. When you see that movie on the big screen, it really comes alive in ways that just don't happen on the small screen. Easy Rider is in a similar vein. It's great to see on the big screen but if you can see it at the drive in, it'll change your life. Smokey and The Bandit doesn't have the aspect ratio of Butch Cassidy or the cinematic flair of Easy Rider but when you can see it on the big screen with a crowd of enthusiastic viewers, you really get that full movie experience. There were no cell phones going off, nobody talking like they were in their own living room, just a theater full of people who want to be there to see what's on the screen. They laugh and cheer in all the right places and it was really just a communal experience. Everybody stuck around through the credits and after when Ben Mankowitz came back on with his closing remarks. They even applauded when it was over.
After all was said and done, we went back to my cousins house, had lunch and said our goodbyes. My aunt had about an hour drive ahead of her and mine was about 13 hours with another planned stop in Nashville. I left behind a six pack of bootlegged contraband as a parting gift and also a barter payment. This is quite possibly the most expensive movie I've ever seen... but worth every penny.
The trip home went well. I had David Duchovny (Bucky F***ing Dent) and Nick Hornby (Juliet, Naked) as traveling companions along with some various other cds. The scenery in Tennessee was amazing. I managed to get there before the sun set.
I was going to meet another friend who migrated to Music City, U.S.A. but he had warned me earlier that he might be working. I sent him updates on my location but never heard back so when I stopped for food and didn't find him, it was no big surprise. He was coming to town in a couple of weeks so we'd just catch up then.
The drive from St. Louis to KC seems to get longer you're tired. The clock says four hours but it feels like nine. I could barely keep my eyes open as I pulled into my parking lot at 5 a.m. I had to be at work noon so I had just enough time to get a couple of hours of sleep and grab a shower until it was back to reality...until the next adventure.
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